The NaNoWriMo Experience

This year I decided to take a leap of faith and participate in something called National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, that consists of writing 50,000 words for a novel from November 1st to the 30th. The only writing I've ever really done is blogging and school papers, but I've had a story playing around in my head for around five or six years, and I figured it was about time to get it out.

The story I wrote is called "The Tapestries that Covered the Stairs" (a working title), and is based on a dream I had a while back. The dream was more of a nightmare to start out with, but was one of those dreams where I told myself I wouldn't be scared anymore, and so I wasn't. But when I woke up in the morning, and recalled this crazy dream, I found that while the circumstances in it hadn't made much sense, the atmosphere had been quite amazing. It was creepy, dark, detailed, and decadent, and I knew that I wanted to do something with it. I played around with drawing it out, or having my mom write a story on it (my mom actually is a very talented writer), or maybe even making a short story about it, but none of that seemed to do it justice. So it sat untouched in the back of my mind for years. Until this month, that is.

The decision to try out NaNoWriMo was completely last minute. I'd watched a fellow blogger, Hedgefairy Tales, participate for a few years, and I'd always thought it was interesting but not something I'd ever participate in. But a few weeks before November began I stumbled across the NaNoWriMo website for the first time, and it awoke an interest in me. I browsed the site for a few minutes, before I decided to take the plunge.

I've been writing much more in these past months than I ever have, what with starting college and all, and I felt a bit more prepared for something like this. But I honestly thought that the story I had in my mind would only be about half of the 50,000 word count, and I prepared myself to not meet the goal, and only get a little bit of writing done. I had very little idea of just what I was getting into though, and I read through all of the emails that the NaNoWriMo people sent me very carefully, as if they were my syllabus for the month.

As I began to write, I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly the words came to me. They seemed to flow out of me naturally, and in no time at all I had my first chapter written and a storyline established in my head. The word count still seemed like an impossible goal, but I was having fun writing, so who really cared about that?

But as I continued to write, this simple story grew and changed.

I started out with one character who had actually been in my dream, and her father. I named her Emile, gave her a back story for my own reference, and decided that those would be my only characters, just like in the dream. I began writing with that notion in mind.

But then I found John. He wrote himself into my story so smoothly as a plot device, but he decided to stay when I discovered all the possibilities he could bring. So then I had two main characters, and I decided that would be it. I continued writing, and I tweaked my plot slightly to fit him in.

But, surprise surprise, I found another main character on the way. Eileen wrote herself in as well, and just like John, she was supposed to be a plot device. She charmed me enough, though, that I kept her around as a main character as well.

After that I wrote in a few more characters that I hadn't planned, but I managed to stick with my three main characters.

The story took a change in genre as well. The original feel of it, simplistic and psychological horror, began to change into a complex psychological horror story coupled with a mystery. As it stands right now, it reminds me of something one of my favorite authors, Frank Peretti, would write, coupled with one of my favorite books, Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. I'm quite happy with it so far.

I ended up reaching the 50,000 word count goal in the end, and I've still have quite a lot more story left to write. But I've learned so much this month about writing, and perseverance.

I've taken time out of my busy schedule everyday, and written sometimes a little, and sometimes a lot. But I wrote something every day, and I managed to not get stuck with any serious writers block (miraculously).

I write all of this not only to update you on what I've been up to, but to tell you this: NaNoWriMo is a fantastic experience that you should be a part of. It's a chance to stretch yourself, and to use your imagination in ways you've never used it before. So for everyone who's been teetering on the edge of whether or not to do this, or maybe for those who have never even heard of it, I want to let you know that participating will not be a waste of your time. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised!

And who knows, maybe next year I'll be writing alongside some of my followers and friends?

From

(Based on the poem "Where I'm From" by George Ella Lyon, and inspired by a TEDxSoleburySchool talk from Emily Bailin.)


I am from worn out bibles with marked and dog-eared pages
From lacey, layered clothing and steaming mugs of tea
I am from the two story house that is somehow still too small for all the people living there
With the soft lawn that always stays green, and the large towering trees all around
I am from the winding creek with the tiny "island" in the middle
The crab apple tree with the perfect branches for climbing in

I’m from Christmas tree skirts covered in presents and unconditional love even when I don’t deserve it
From the mother with the brightest smile and the father with the best hugs
I’m from children’s songs sung on the Sunday morning drive to church
From dinnertime discussions filled with laughter
And living out joy even in sorrow

I’m from “you can do anything” and “you’re beautiful”
From “it takes two to make a fight” and "for God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son"
I’m from Thanksgiving Dinners with my Mother’s family at Great Grandma and Grandpa Riordan’s home
I’m from cornfields
From distant Native American roots that still hold firm and Ireland’s distant call
From Aunt Peggy’s pumpkin bread and homemade chocolate chip cookies
From piano lessons with Mrs. Boger who never made me feel inadequate, even when I hadn’t practiced
And from a self love of Japan, a country I've never visited
I’m from china dolls in the cupboard of Mom’s “pretty room” and Dad’s stuffed black cat

I am from memories long past
And things yet to come
And I am still in the making

101 Things in 1001 Days (New List)

I've just recently finished my first 101 things and 1001 days list. I liked it so much I decided to do a new one! I've added some of the points I didn't finish last time, and created many new ones. Hopefully I can finish this one completely!

Dates: September 12, 2015 to June 9, 2018
82 completed, 6 to go.

Finished
In Process

1. Learn to play the banjo at a fast pace
2. Be a vegan for a week Abandoned. I'm already vegetarian full time, and I really have no drive or motivation to go vegan, so I'm not going to push myself to do so at this time. Maybe when I move out on my own, I might try it for a bit, but right now it just isn't feasible.
3. Record some of my original music It's not polished recordings, but I've documented them nonetheless so that I can remember them, which is good enough for me.
4. Go backpacking Abandoned. Just isn't feasible at this point in my life. Maybe later.
5. Read the entire Bible
6. Complete 5 pages in a coloring book
7. Purchase a Instax mini
8. Read a book in another language
9. Knit a scarf
10. Write a poem
11. Donate 50 things I don't use or need to charities
12. Pay for the meal of someone behind me at a drive through
13. Leave ten sticky notes with bible verses in public bathrooms I ended up doing encouraging quotes instead at my school. I still want to do the bible verses later on though.
14. Purchase a good camera Abandoned. I wouldn't really use one, and my family has good cameras I can borrow if need be.
15. Donate to a charity
16. Go Geochaching
17. Lose my disney weight Done! I've lost over 12 pounds so far, and still counting! I'm finally feeling healthy again :)
18. Take a technology break
19. Try to take a hike/walk once a week for 2 months Abandoned. I've started just working out every day, and doing what I feel like that day.
20. Go horseback riding
21. Play hooky from life and spend a day alone to do some soul-searching
22. Learn to flatfoot
23. Exercise for 15 days straight
24. Create a new clogging routine.
25. Complete "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind"
26. Vote
27. Complete a puzzle
28. Write an "If anything happens to me" letter
29. See Into The Woods, and/or Ragtime live (or any musical really)
30. Write a list of 50 things I like about myself
31. Write my bad memories on paper and burn them
32. Make a daisy chain
33. Miminalize my closet again
34. Go to a museum 7 times
35. Make a comic strip
36. Go on a bike ride during the spring
37. Learn to crochet Abandoned. Giving this one up, it's just not the craft for me. I'm sticking to knitting.
38. Go on a picnic
39. Send an anonymous letter of encouragement to someone I don't know very well
40. Create my own cookbook Abandoned. I just use Pinterest...
41. Write a short story at least 10,000 words Note: Participated in NaNoWriMo 2015, and far surpassed this goal!
42. Fly a kite
43. Visit the old cemetery with the Civil War graves and pay respects
44. Learn to work with dip pen and ink
45. Take a career assessment test Abandoned. No need. I'm in university and excited about what I'm doing.
46. Identify 5 constellations
47. Finish my Toastmaster's manual
48. Finish my Toastmaster's leadership manual Abandoned. With school and such I don't really have time to work on this.
49. Journal with my bible study every day for a month
50. Start a journal dedicated to prayer
51. Grow plants in my room
52. Send someone a care package
53. For one month, buy nothing new
54. Take a road trip
55. Fly on a plane
56. Decorate with fairy lights
57. Visit somewhere scenic and paint what I see
58. Design and sew a plush toy or doll
59. Visit a ghost town
60. Ride my bike on a trip
61. Keep my nails painted for 1 week
62. Visit 5 new states or towns 
63. Buy a laptop sticker
64. Write a list of 101 things I am truly thankful for
65. Write a list of 101 things that make me happy
66. Visit 10 new cities
67. Relearn the Japanese I've forgotten
68. Go on a day trip alone or with only one person
69. Learn some of the traditional advanced clogging fundamentals
70. Finish filling my jar with paper stars
71. Catch up on the books I never finished
72. Read at least 5 more Shakespeare plays Abandoned. I actually thought I'd have time for this during college. How cute.
73. See a live play
74. Learn enough Elvish to make simple sentences
75. Memorize at least 10 scriptures
76. Make a new friend
77. Buy a good jump rope and skip once a week for a month Abandoned. For the same reasons as the walking point.
78. Write a new song
79. Start volunteering regularly again Abandoned. I'm way overwhelmed with school and work and other commitments, so I don't have the time right now to volunteer regularly. I volunteer here and there when I can, and I help out with church stuff instead.
80. Wear a full on Mori Girl coord in public for no specific reason
81. Finish the Mori Challenge
82. Celebrate a Japanese holiday with traditional food, and traditional activities
83. Do a split
84. Sell all of my old Mori items on the Mori Flea Market page Abandoned. Donated them instead.
85. Take someone out for lunch or dinner, and pay for their meal
86. Create a fairy garden
87. Find a creative way to display some of my favorite scriptures
88. Finish watching all the episodes of Merlin I skipped
89. Post 5 times a month for two months on my Mori Blog
90. Listen to a podcast a day for a month  Abandoned. I didn't end up liking podcasts as much as I thought I would. They take up too much memory on my iPod...
91. Host a giveaway
92. Go horseback riding again
93. Buy some fandom merch (Gravity Falls, LOTR, K-on, etc)
94. Wear full on Mori coords every day for a week. (No pants, or one layered outfits!)
95. Make a zero waste kit for my car
96. Be intentional about taking a sabbath every week for a month
97. Start making my wardrobe into only what I love and need
98. Find my dream rucksack
99. Teach my friends Squirt
100. Play a full game of Catan with my family
101. Finish a Zelda game Counting this as done. I was able to do everything except the final boss, before I had to return the game to my friend.

A Guide to Creating Confidence

I recently gave a speech for my local Toastmaster's on being confident, and I thought I might share the overview of it with you. These are all things I've done to gain confidence, and I hope you find them helpful!

So without further ado, here are some challenges you can give yourself to help gain confidence.

Spend time with yourself.

When you do this, make sure to remove all distractions. You might be surprised when you do this how little you actually do know about yourself. I've found that knowing exactly who you are is an instant way to gain confidence. A few practical ways to do this are:

• Write a list of likes and dislikes, and then define why you like/dislike those things.

Pretty simple, and self explanatory, but very helpful.

• Spend quiet time listening to God.

This one helps you learn more about your spiritual personality, which is also (if you are religious) a big part of who you are.

Step outside of your comfort zone.

Wear, say, or do something that you like, that you wouldn’t normally share with others. This one helps you to realize that what other people think doesn't matter as much as you think it does. Another instant confidence booster.

Say no, and don’t regret it.

Don’t let others pressure you into participating in something you don’t enjoy just because “everyone is doing it”. When you become more comfortable with your decisions, you become more confident. Of course this doesn't mean you can bail on obligations just because you don't like them. Rather what I mean is; don't pile your plate with little stuff you don't enjoy. Learn to say no sometimes. An example for me is that my youth group often plays a lot of games. Sometimes, I don't like those games, and so I don't play. I used to let them guilt trip me into playing, and then I would be miserable. But I learned that when I said "no thanks" every once in a while it was a very freeing thing that brought confidence.

“Don’t settle. Don’t finish bad books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it.” –Chris Brogan

 Stop over-criticizing yourself.

Recognize areas for improvement in yourself, but also recognize that those areas do not define your worth. You are more than the mistakes you make, or the flaws you have. You have things you're good at, and it's okay to focus on those things and love those things about yourself. It's always good to have some self love!

“What you believe about yourself on the inside is what you will manifest on the outside.” -Unknown

Ask God for confidence

This one is more pointed at Christians, but pray for the Lord’s assistance. If you pray he will answer. Just be prepared for the situations that will come your way. He will deliver, whether you're ready or not!

“For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth.” Psalms 71:5 (NIV)
I hope that was a bit of help to you all! Now go out and be confident!

“Confidence is like a muscle: The more you use it, the stronger it gets.” -Unknown

Fragile

When I was young I never thought of death. Neither did I think of separations, or goodbyes. In fact, such things were completely foreign to me. I'd never known a goodbye to last longer than a week, save a few relatives that I did not know very well, and I'd never tasted death in any close form.

That all changed about 10 years ago.

We'd had a family friend who'd passed away before that point, but I'd been very young so I hadn't fully understood. We'd also lost a cat at that point, but again, I was too young to fully comprehend the meaning of it.

10 years ago my step-great grandmother, Doris, passed away. She had been battling with cancer, lung cancer to be specific, for some time. We all begged her to stop smoking, but she was stubborn. She would scoff at us and say "I'll smoke until the day I die."

And she did.

I don't remember much about how I felt when they told me she'd died, but I don't think I cried. I was just confused. I do remember well when we visited the funeral home. It was dark, and everything was colored in gold and dark burgundies. It was stuffy, outdated, and I hated it. I was bored and I just wanted to play with my cousins whom I saw only a few times a year. When they finally let us into the room where her body was kept, I still didn't cry. I was overwhelmed by the massive amounts of flowers, unknown relatives, and the large casket that loomed ominously at the front of the room. They quickly sat us all down and a heavy man with a beard led us in a few hymns, and said a few words about life after death. After that it was a flurry of relatives trying to reach the casket to pay respects, while simultaneously trying to "catch up" with our family. Somehow I reached the casket quicker than most.

I remember approaching it cautiously, unaware of what I would see. My cousin was openly weeping at this point, along with most of my aunts. However, Doris looked fine. In fact, she looked in death just as she had in life. I was still confused.

I remember touching her cheek, and listening to people around me crying, and something inside of me snapped. I started to weep as well, although I still didn't fully understand. But I understood enough to realize I wouldn't see her again.

I quickly recovered from the tears however, and spent the rest of my time meeting my Great Aunt Chris, who sat with me and assured me that I was not the only one with bad ankles, that there was no need to be insecure about them, and told me funny stories from when she was a child. And although I still didn't understand how fragile life was, I had begun to gain the head knowledge.

I think I fully began to understand over the course of the next few Easter Sundays.

You see, Grandma Doris was an amazing cook. She made the best food I'd ever had in my life. To this day there is nothing that will ever compare with her Easter and Christmas dinners. And each year on Easter that side of the family would gather together to eat. All of us, blood relatives and step relatives alike, would eat and visit together on that one day of the year at Grandma Doris' insistence. But after her death, those Easter dinners stopped happening. We mostly had Easter at our own houses from then on.

On one of those Easter Sundays I realized that we would never have a meal like that all together ever again, and I cried.

I still miss those Easter meals. Despite the issues in my family we would take that one day to set them aside and catch up with each other. I miss sitting at their large dining room table, and listening to the adults talk. (I desperately wanted to sit with the adults from a young age, and they would humor me seeing as I have always been mature, as long as I kept relatively quiet.) I miss seeing my step-aunts, and step-cousins. (I suppose Jolie is probably married by now, as she was significantly older than me.) I miss being given one of those awful tasting "soda pop" candy drinks in the plastic bottles. (Grandma Doris always said it was a special treat. And even though it tasted disgusting all of the kids would happily take one.) I miss those delicious biscuits that Mom would only let me eat a few of. (Sometimes others would sneak me an extra one without telling her. In retrospect, I really didn't need that many.)

When I thought of all those things, and that they would never happen again, I began to understand the fragile state of life. At that point, it terrified me. I would avoid thinking about death at all costs. I didn't want to know what happened when you died, or after you died. I didn't want to think about the ways people died. I didn't want anything to do with any of it.

It doesn't frighten me now. (Or at least, it doesn't frighten me as often.) And I don't dwell on the thought much, and if I do it's in a wistful kind of way. More melancholy than sad.

Today, I took a ride in my Great Aunt's red convertible mustang. It's my dream car, and the weather was beautiful, so she took me for a ride to Starbucks for a Frappe. We drove through her neighborhood with the top down looking at the flowering trees, and enjoying the sunshine.

I had just visited with my Great Grandpa (we call him Pap) earlier that day. He's getting older, and he often forgets things. He's crotchety, and has that stubborn Irish streak in him, but I still love him dearly. I often think of him in my mind as a grumpy old teddy bear. Despite the fact that he only lives a few hours away, we hardly ever see him. I had sat at his table and listened to him repeat the same stories two times each (at least). I had watched him show us papers telling of how he would win big money in a giveaway and how he would buy a new truck with that money he was so sure would come in this Wednesday. ("You'll see!" He said. "I'll buy that truck with the money and drive down to see you!".) I had fixed his computer for the thousandth time, because he always seems to lose the bookmarks my Grandpa sets up for him. And he had taken us to the mausoleum where my step-aunts had finally decided to place my Grandma Doris' ashes. And as I looked at the picture of her in her kitchen they had placed in the box, I felt the familiar ache of missing her. She wasn't perfect, but I did love her.

Afterwards, riding in my Aunt's convertible, I realized (not for the first time) that he wouldn't be around much longer. And while my Great Aunts and my Grandma see fit to complain about his forgetfulness, and how he can't manage his money, all I can think about is how few his years left are.

Life is short.

If you have a perfect life, and live to 100, that's still such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. But not everyone is blessed to live that long.

A girl in my town died in a car crash a few weeks ago. She was around eighteen.

My Great Aunt Nancy died when she was in her late twenties, early thirties. She was overseas, had just had a baby, and then died suddenly of an asthma attack. I never got to know her.

My real great Grandma, ironically also named Doris, died at age 37 of breast cancer. I never knew her either, and my mom knew her only for a short time.

My friend's mother miscarried a baby boy, even though she was far enough along to have picked a name for him.

We don't have much time on this earth, so my philosophy is this:

Make the most of your time.

Meet as many people as you can, and love as many people as you can. Call that relative you've been meaning to call for ages. Visit that place you've always wanted to go. Learn as much as you can, about life, love, God; anything really. Try that new food. Read that book that's been sitting on your shelf collecting dust. And most importantly, don't waste the opportunities God has given you.

Live out the words of Erma Bombeck. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

You only get one chance, so be joyful, soak everything in, forgive and let go, love whomever you can, and don't worry what tomorrow will bring, because tomorrow has enough toubles of it's own. (Mathew 6:34)

I think tomorrow I'll walk in my neighborhood and smell the flowers. Then maybe I'll write those letters to my pen pals I've been putting off. I need to have a long talk with God too. I haven't any time to waste, and neither do you.

101 Things In 1001 Days

(This post was originally posted on I don't know much but I'm learning, but I'm posting it here as well.)

I have recently decided to create a list of things I need to do, kind of like a bucket list. But I couldn't think of a good way to start one. But I've finally discovered one; 101 things in 1001 days! I doubt that every single one of these will get done, but I am going to try my hardest! よし！がんばります！

Start Date: December 31st, 2012

End Date:  August 26th, 2015

9 left to go.
1.Get an Ipod touch.
2.Don't leave the house without a hat or headpiece for two weeks.
3.Get a firm Tummy (aka Get rid of my flab).
4.Draw 10 portraits of real persons. 10/10
5.Make a daisy chain.
6.Manage at least one pull-up.
7.Buy 10 nice teas for tea parties. 
8.Host a Tea Party.
9.Go outside for one hour a day for at least a month.
10. Gift something handmade.
11.Go to a museum at least 12 times. 5/12
12.Create a herbarium. Abandoned. Created a fairy garden instead
13.Learn a new instrument.
14.Grow a little herb garden on the window sill or a decent one in the garden.
15.Get a job.
16.Write a children’s storybook and illustrate it. Write/Draw
17.Wear a planned outfit at least once a week for a month and draw it.  Abandoned. Not Practical.
18.Buy three pairs of nice tights.
19.Take a sketchbook to a public place and draw.
20.Cook or bake something unknown once a month for 3 months.
21.Visit an antiques & oddities market. 
22.Make candles.
23.Get the tips of my hair cut.
24.Make a to-read classics list and read at least half of it. 15/29
25.Make soap. Abandoned. Buying natural soup
26.Learn 15 cool quotes by heart.
27.Buy a hat.
28.Learn to swing dance.
29.Buy a Lolita dress or skirt.
30.Get a proper robe. Abandoned. 
31.Go ice skating.
32.Go to the theatre.
33.Learn to paint with watercolor.
34.Find a pen pal (snail-mail). I have seven Mori Girl pen-pals now!
35.Find 10 nice everyday hair-dos.
36.Go to a festival.
37.Organize my clothes.
38.Search though all my clothing and just keep what I truly love.
39.Have a princess day once a month
40.Eat only self-made sweets for a month. I stretched this out, and ate mostly homemade sweets over a few months instead.
41.Use my typewriter at all possible times for a month. Abandoned. My typewriter is vintage, and the ink replacement would be rather expensive.
42.Learn to flatfoot.
42.Learn to knit.
43.Sew at least two small projects.
44.Climb a tree and take a picture of the view.
45.Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day.
46.Don’t complain about anything for a week.
47.Buy something from a Mori brand (Preferably Wonder Rocket). (Reviewed it here.)
48.Buy something from Etsy/Store envy.
49.Learn to decorate a cake.
50.Go on a picnic.
51.Send anonymous flowers to someone I don't know very well.
52.Write a letter to myself to be opened when the 1001 days are over.
53.Inspire someone else to write a 101 in 1001 list of their own.
54.Go to a drive-in movie theater. Abandoned. I've been to a regular movie theater several times instead, which I don't normally do.
55.Wear Lolita (or something equally as out there) in a busy public place.
56. Lean some kind of calligraphy.
57.Make my own bento.
58.Send 10 handwritten letters to friends and family.
59.Drink eight glasses of water every day for at least one week.
60.Make an address book with contact information for family and friends.
61.Spend a day with each of siblings doing what they want, paid for by me. Abandoned. Took my brother out to an expensive lunch instead. Also, I have no money... So that's a thing...
62.Perfect my Japanese enough to listen to a song/show and sort of understand what they're saying.
63.Throw a surprise party for a friend.
64.Perfect and memorize at least one hard piano piece.
65.Watch all of the New Doctor Who episodes.
66.Succeed in giving up something for lent.
67.Bike or walk somewhere in town.
68.Learn the names of every country, and identify them on a map. Abandoned.
69.Learn how to take decent pictures with my camera.
70.Start using Instagram.
71.Make a list of the 50 songs I could listen to forever.
72.Take a photo of the same place every month for year and then turn it into a calendar for the next year. Abandoned
73.Try Yoga.
74.Attend and/or throw a costume party.
75.Ask friends to name one favourite music album they think I should listen to, and then listen to all the recommendations I get.
76.Ask friends to name one movie they think I need to watch, and then watch all the recommendations I get. Abandoned. I really don't like movies...
77.Eat some real Sushi with crab in it, or just try crab in general. 
78.Try 5 new foods in a month.
79.Say ‘no’ to 5 things I don’t want to do, but would normally agree to in order to keep the peace.
80.Create my own comic (either a few pages, or a series).
81.Read a biography all the way through.
82.Write a short story at least 10,000 words.
83.See Celtic Woman in concert. 
84.Fly a kite.
85.Listen to all country for one day.
86.Attend a church service of a different denomination.
87.Celebrate a foreign holiday of some sort.
88.Leave a note inside of a library book for someone to find.
89.Get a Polaroid camera.
90.Have a list of all of my friends birthdays, and send them happy birthday letters. Abandoned. Instead I write them letters at birthday parties.
91.Take pictures with friends in a photo booth. Abandoned. There are no photo booths in my area.
92.Set my answering machine to something in Japanese. Abandoned. I'm not sure what I was thinking, because no-one would be able to understand it.
93.Sleep out under the stars. (My parents are super against this, but I did go tent camping recently and spent a lot of time out doors in the night so I'm counting that.)
94.Finish my collection of Trixie Belden Books. (I have as many as I have been able to find, excluding a few rare ones that are almost non-existent)
95.Learn, and use, a new word a month for 3 months.
96.Sit and watch 10 movies without doing anything else. 10/10
97.Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy all the way through.
98.Re-read the Chronicles of Narnia.
99.Go berry picking Abandoned. My grandparents berry bushes had to be removed.
100.Consciously Stop saying ‘yeah’ and ‘like’ for 1 week
101.Write a new list!

I will update every time I finish one. Here's hoping for the best in the coming year and beyond!

A Practical Step: Desiring God

Recently, I've been struggling with a lack of something in myself. To be more specific, a lack of desire for God. Now, I can't exactly pinpoint the exact moment when this lack of desire first became apparent to me, but I do know that it's been a major stumbling block in my life for a while now.

You may or may not know, depending on how well you know me, that I often play on my church's worship team. Last week I was on rotation, and we played a song called "Come to the Water" by Kristian Stanfill. The lyrics are pretty standard as far as a praise and worship songs go. But this particular week one line stood out to me from the chorus.

"We believe in the kingdom come
We believe in the risen Son
You bring our hearts to life
Lord we come with our hands up high
We believe You will satisfy
You bring our hearts to life
You bring our hearts to life
We are alive"

"We believe you will satisfy". That's a pretty big statement to make, isn't it? I know in my own life I've often looked at things that I enjoy that I know weren't the best for me, or things that were taking his place in my heart, and I've wondered how God could ever satisfy as much as the things I was holding onto. We hear all the time that God is greater than all of our selfish desires, but I think deep down inside all of us we doubt that it could ever be true. And sometimes, maybe we don't want it to be true.

For me, when this happens, I tend to shy away from God. When I notice that I've not given him the 100% he asks for, or that I don't feel fully satisfied in him, I feel guilty. And I often feel in those times that I shouldn't be praying to him, or learning about him, or really having anything to do with him. Because if I was a "real" Christian I would be totally satisfied in him, right? And because of this tendency, in the times when I need to be drawing closer to God I pull farther away.

Now if you look at this line of the song, "We believe you'll satisfy", you should notice a very specific word. That word is believe. Note that they didn't say "We know he will satisfy" or "He does satisfy" or "He has already satisfied". No they say "We believe he will satisfy". Why, you might ask, is this significant? Because with this one word we create a very deep and meaningful truth that I think many of us don't realize. That truth is this; Just because you don't see the results you're looking for now, doesn't mean that God isn't working in you.

Let me repeat that; Just because you don't see the results you're looking for now, doesn't mean that God isn't working in you.

When I realized this, it was huge for me. You see, I was shying away from interaction with God because I didn't see him working right away. I would say my quick prayer for him to satisfy me in him, and then I wouldn't give him the time to work in my life and make it so. What I needed to be doing was asking him to satisfy, and then drawing close to him believing it would be so.

God may not immediately satisfy you in him, he hasn't yet for me, but he's always working on your heart as I know he is working on mine. It may take years of softening before you begin to feel satisfied in him. And there will always be times when you struggle and feel like God will never be enough. But you should never pull away from God, even when you feel inadequate. God always wants to have a relationship with you, and although he wants your all, that doesn't mean he stops listening when you don't give it. And the moment you pull away, you give footholds to negative things in your life. Because as soon as you stop feeding yourself with God's truth, you create gaps that can be filled by anyone who comes along with a bit of something to fill them with.

So maybe this week, when you feel discouraged and unsatisfied in God, you can take a step out in faith with me and draw nearer to God believing he will satisfy. And maybe together, we can find out what it's like to be truly satisfied in him.

Blessings,
Kathryn